Are You Getting in Your Own Way?

“Nothing will sabotage our happiness and success more thoroughly than the fear that we are not enough.”— Bill Crawford

Have you ever felt like the biggest obstacle in your life… is you?

You set goals. You care deeply. You want to do well. And yet, somewhere between intention and action, something gets in the way.

You delay. You distract yourself. You tell yourself you’ll fail—so you don’t give it your all. Or maybe you avoid trying altogether, convincing yourself that now isn’t the right time.

This is self-sabotage. And it’s far more common than we think.

Sometimes, it shows up in small ways: procrastination, perfectionism, putting everyone else’s needs before your own. Other times, it runs deeper—leading you to quietly unravel the things you want most, not because you don’t care, but because somewhere inside, fear is whispering that you’re not ready, not good enough, not worthy.

The hardest part? Self-sabotage often feels logical in the moment. It hides beneath stories we tell ourselves: “I’m not cut out for this.” “What if I mess it up?” “People like me don’t do things like that.”

And because these beliefs feel familiar, we believe them—even when they’re wrong.

The roots of sabotage

At its core, self-sabotage is almost always rooted in fear. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of judgement, or of not knowing who you are without the struggle.

It’s a protective instinct, in its own way. If we never fully try, we never have to fully fail. If we hold ourselves back, we never have to face the vulnerability of being seen. But what this protection costs us—our confidence, our creativity, our sense of purpose—is rarely worth the safety it promises.

Sometimes we don’t even realise we’re doing it. It becomes habitual: putting ourselves down before others can. Fixating on our flaws. Avoiding risk. Staying in our comfort zone and calling it contentment.

And yet, so often, the thing we’re avoiding is the very thing we need: growth, connection, success, change.

Changing the narrative

The good news is that self-sabotage isn’t a fixed trait—it’s a pattern. And patterns can be changed.

The first step is noticing. Without judgement, simply start to pay attention to how you speak to yourself. What stories are you repeating? What assumptions are you making about what you’re capable of?

You might find yourself saying things like: “I always mess this up.” “It’s too late for me.” “Other people can do that—but not me.”

These thoughts might feel true. But are they? Are they helpful? And most importantly, are they kind?

Often, just asking those questions begins to loosen their grip.

From there, the work is about replacing those old narratives with something more honest—and more compassionate.

Not empty affirmations, but quiet truths:
“I’m learning.”
“It’s okay to get it wrong.”
“I’m allowed to want more.”

Choosing kindness over criticism

Self-sabotage thrives in environments of self-judgement. One of the most powerful ways to shift the cycle is through self-compassion.

Not in a fluffy, indulgent way—but in a deeply human one.

When you mess up, can you speak to yourself like you would a friend?
Can you recognise your effort even if the outcome wasn’t perfect?
Can you accept your flaws without letting them define you?

This kind of kindness builds resilience. It creates the inner safety you need to take risks, to try again, to grow. And over time, it teaches your nervous system something radical: I don’t have to be hard on myself to be motivated.

You don’t have to do it alone

The voice of self-sabotage can be loud. Sometimes we need someone outside of us to offer perspective, encouragement, or simply a reminder that we’re not broken—we’re just stuck.

Whether it’s a friend, coach, therapist, or trusted colleague, sharing how you feel can interrupt the cycle. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to be willing to start the conversation.

Because the truth is, you are more capable than your inner critic allows you to believe. You are not lazy. You are not a failure. You are not falling behind.

You are human. And you’re learning how to stop getting in your own way.

That is brave work. And it’s enough to begin.