WHEN THINGS DON’T GO TO PLAN

Life has a habit of surprising us—not always in the ways we hope.

You do the work. You invest the time. You care. And still, things sometimes fall apart.

Maybe you were passed over for a job you really wanted.
Maybe a long-held goal slipped out of reach.
Maybe someone overlooked your effort, or a relationship that once felt solid quietly unravelled.

Whatever the shape of it, a setback—big or small—can knock us off balance.
It disrupts our plans. It shakes our confidence.
And sometimes, it just hurts.

THE EMOTIONAL WEIGHT OF DISAPPOINTMENT

When we care about something—really care—we don’t just invest time or energy. We invest hope. And when the outcome doesn't match that hope, the disappointment runs deep.

You might feel sadness. Or frustration. Or self-doubt. You might wonder if it was your fault—or whether it was ever meant to work out at all.

These moments are hard. But they’re also part of being human.

We don’t get to skip the uncomfortable parts of life. But we can learn how to move through them with more gentleness and less self-blame.

1. LET YOURSELF FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL

There’s no need to rush to the silver lining.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is just sit with the truth: “This didn’t go how I hoped.”
Let yourself feel disappointed. Let yourself be sad or angry or unsure.

You don’t need to fix it immediately. Just feel it. That’s where healing begins.

2. SPEAK TO YOURSELF KINDLY

It’s easy to turn on ourselves when things don’t go to plan.
We replay it in our heads. We pick apart what we should have done. We tell ourselves to “get over it.”

But would you say that to someone you love? Probably not.

Try this instead:
“This is hard, and it’s okay that I’m struggling.”
“I’m allowed to be disappointed—and I’m allowed to keep going.”

Self-compassion doesn’t erase the pain. But it makes it bearable.

3. REACH OUT, DON’T RETREAT

You don’t have to process it all alone.

Whether it’s a trusted friend, a family member, or a coach, sometimes just saying out loud what you’re feeling is enough to lighten the load.

You don’t need advice. You just need to be heard.

4. PAUSE, REFLECT, REFRAME

Once the emotion has had space, you can begin to ask:
“What have I learned from this?”
“What does this setback make possible that I couldn’t see before?”

You’re not starting over—you’re starting from experience.

Set a new intention. Break it down into small, gentle steps. Move slowly if you need to. There’s no race.

5. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF IN SMALL, STEADY WAYS

You don’t have to fix everything at once.
Sometimes, healing looks like making a meal, going for a walk, putting your phone away for an hour, or laughing at something silly.

Choose the things that help you feel even a little more grounded. A little more like yourself. These small acts matter more than they seem.

A QUIET REMINDER

Setbacks are not the end of the story.

They’re just pauses. Detours. Chapters where things don’t go to plan—but where something new might begin.

You are not your disappointment.
You are not your failure.
You are the one still here. Still trying. Still becoming.

And that is more than enough.